Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
