You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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