He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
