Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
