her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
