Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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