im six kinds of drunk right now
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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