you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
