I faked an abortion last night.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
