Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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