You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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