After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
