your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
