I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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