If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
