I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
