whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
home. puking in laundry basket.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
