My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
