I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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