...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
