you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
