Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
