It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
