its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
