i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
