can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Nicole vs. Life
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize