Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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