I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I didn't notice because vodka
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
