...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
