She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
