Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
