I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
