When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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