he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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