Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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