id be glad to
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You have to summon your inner elephant
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
