I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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