She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
