We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
