Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
