i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Are we still banned from the library?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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