these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
