Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize