6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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