Don't you send me to vm
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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