New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
