The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I need a burrito and a hug.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
