I'm going to jail i love you
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
