I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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