Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
