living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
