I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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