The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
