i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I think your dad took our porno
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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