You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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