I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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