I seem to have left my pride at pride
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
