Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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