i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
