So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
