so explain again why im purple
no
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
