Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
