I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
