I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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