Apparently you make a good broom.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
