who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
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