I think my vagina is haunted
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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