you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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