Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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