i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
